Monday, 9 October 2017


WHY, WHAT, WHOM, HOW? Do you remember your English class? Grappling with the application and context of these words?
As adults we ask ourselves the WH questions especially when we need to make major decisions. What contributes to the answers that form the decisions, is a whole different kettle of fish. A recent ‘sacrilegious’ (for some atleast) conversation with a colleague prompted these thoughts again.

‘I’d rather have a man, than be alone.’
These words sparked such a hurt in my heart that I battled with this post. It’s a sensitive issue but I’ll bite at it anyway and hope not to choke.
WHY do women tolerate BS? You hear all the funny stories, of a man did this, or that, and how he’s got such a ‘good’ wife; because she stood by him and put up with his indiscretions, and poor decisions, and she’s a ‘good’ wife?!
I’m not saying women we don’t have our own madness, so am putting this out for both male and female to answer. WHY OH WHY do we tolerate things that makes us unhappy? Makes us feel less than who we are, ought to be? Please don’t get me wrong, I recognize the place of forgiveness, and tolerance, but…

‘You’re getting on in age, you need to find a man and settle down.’
WHO pray tell, decides WHAT getting on in age means? I’ve heard and know that age is nothing but a number. WHAT then is this number that decides WHEN things should be done? This number that wasn’t in God’s Creation Handbook? Please give me directions to WHERE I can find this man?WHAT gives WHEN a woman is found of a man? Does she suddenly become whole? Better than the essence of WHAT she carried all along? Does this Man give expression to the gifting’s and achievements attained and yet to be? Big Laugh of the century, WHAT says, that any one ‘settles’ down WHEN they get married? Does lightning strike at the altar? Society shows me differently. Men and women alike are getting their groove on, in and outside the confines of marriage!

‘You’re so pretty, How are you Single?’
Big Laugh! If I had a nickel for every time! HOW can you expect sustained companionship to be based on something so transient as looks?!
This Golden life that I’ve been called to live, will be lived, not based on what society in all its confused cultural, and limited wisdom dictates but based on WHAT, AND HOW the originator of the life decides!
Wanna get in on this? Share your WH questions, that gives you pause, 2nd and 3rd re-thinks!

Golden Girl, Golden God!

Friday, 22 September 2017


I’ve been away a long while I know, please forgive me. The hectic nature of life caught up with me, and my love for writing had to take a back bench.
Soooo, like any normal parent, I am invested in knowing what contribution this my Harbinger of Good news will bring to society. Will he be the first Nigerian astronaut? Will he bring the solution to world hunger and peace? Would he be a mega business man, or a routine nine to five Exec? You see this future ambition is ‘OUR’ own. Yes O! Let’s not kid ourselves, following the mantra of let the child be, and follow his own path. As long as my heart and money is inside, it is ‘OUR’ own, and I have a say!
I’ve read several parenting books telling you to support the self-discovery of your child’s latent talent by exposing them to opportunities. Since it seems to make sense, I’ve gone along with it. Every summer it’s a different activity. Catering School, ICT Camp, Sewing and Crafts, Farming, Art, Music, name it! All in the bid to discover ‘our’ self and ‘our’ future ambition. These exposures haven’t been cheap in terms of resources and time. Add that to my natural competitive nature, and you can imagine my frustration when none really seems to take! My Angel, what do you want to be na?!
The maxim of let them be, and follow their own path started to seem interesting to me, so I decided this summer, I was just going to chill, and not stress ‘our’ selves. We’d just do the normal academic offering. If anything he’d be still sharp when school resumes. Which well, let’s face it, a straight A academic kid is quite cool!
So background laid, follow me to the crux of the matter. My nephew, who is spending some time with us, recently had his birthday come around. After dinner, the kids decide to entertain. My bobo O! My angel, and muse of this blog decides to come and rap! See him Rapping and Packing and Dabbing?! To be honest, it wasn’t not such a bad rap that he’s made up, but ehn?! My Son? Rapping?! This ‘Our’ Future Ambition did not include Rap O! I considered sports, music…erm… henh…
Can we as parents ever truly let go of the rope and let these children really be their selves? I am aware of all the great artistes who are fabulously wealthy and have large fan bases, but errr, is that what I as a person would consider value addition to society? Don’t judge me too quickly. It’s just my own two cents, on a very personal investment. Which actually speaks of a larger failing. The same I can’t let go, and let him be happy, being himself; is the very same way I can’t let go and let God’s Plan prevail. The need to ‘help’ God along to discover His good and perfect will, leads most of us (myself obviously included) into unplanned dangers, and valleys of death.
Self-realization hits, and decision time comes. I’ll let go, let him be, as long as he is happy as he defines it, even as I learn that ‘My’ golden life manifests by trusting God

Be Golden, Trust the Ultimate Creator


Wednesday, 3 May 2017


We lie in bed, catching up on random thoughts after bedtime story, waiting for sleep to take us over, this is a nightly ritual I look forward to. It gives me a sense of the way this young man’s mind is developing, what concerns him, and it’s just generally relaxing jare. So the young man goes, “I had Afang soup at my friend’s house last week, and… it was nice.” Casting me a mischievous sideward glance. Am struggling to catch up with what the sideward glance means. This is someone who would fuss over swallow, and only agree to eat if it is fufu. Not garri, pounded yam, semo, amala, or anything else. Just as am about to ask, if he ate it with garri, he goes “Are you jealous right now?” like what the *&#$! So he knows eh? That I get huffy (not jealous jor!) when he enjoys some other person’s food?! Hah! This boy has me all figured out, I declare! (Side note, if my son comes to your house, please crackers and water is fine!)
It turns into a tickling fit, as I try to “punish” him for that remark. “Stop mom, stop! I like yours too! Yours is nice, and hers is nice, just saying!” with that statement, he gets off the hook. Then he gives me a hug and says, “Mom I really like you.” That alone gets me misty eyed, thinking awww, what a sweet child, but no. He goes and really makes me drip from my eyes.
“I really like you, not love. Of course, I love you, you’re my mum, buy me what I need, take care of me, teach me, and worry about me; but I really like you cos you’re my friend. I can play with you and tell you anything!” Hah! My fingers still tingle typing it, and my chest gets tight remembering. This child is growing up smart! How important is it to be friends with your kids? Nothing is more so! Being not just their provider and caretaker, but also their friend. Someone they can confide in, who gets them, and doesn’t judge.
I was still trying to get my breath from the overwhelming emotion when it enters my heart. “That’s just the way I need you to be with Me. I don’t need you to come only when you need. Am happy to provide, but I also yearn to be your friend, buddy, Your number one option for fellowship”.
It is such a time of renewal when we fellowship with God, not just the moments when we worry or complain. But the moments when we share a laugh, and glory in the wonder of discovery of one of His creations. Just as am constantly amazed by this warm breathing cuteness curled up beside me. Ah Abba! Mi Corazon! Never let me forget, to be friends with
him, and with You.

Golden moments of Friendship, Golden Life


Monday, 20 March 2017


Ecstatic!!! That word just begins to describe how I feel. 8 years?! Oh my gosh?! When and where did time fly to? Who is this handsome, self-possessed young boy smiling so confidently beside me?
Remaining ever fresh in my mind, the maddening pain I had to endure to push you out. They say you forget, who sai?! I remember o! In the end, I gave up, my strength was not enough. I had to be assisted to pull you out. Kai! I should have known from then, that I had just birthed greatness.

Every year unfolding has seen us growing together, learning together, discovering together! Pages will not be enough to retell memories, share stories… That’s sorta why I started this blog in any case. Lol! So I’ll spare the retelling, for some other time. Today, I just wanna speak over you, my son. I write and store in the time vaults of the internet, you’re blessed, healthy, favored, at peace, protected, and honored. You are satisfied with long life. You impact your generation for good, ALL to the Glory of God, who is ever-present as your friend, guide, teacher, love, and Father.

I know most (not every because what I read in the news sometimes makes my womb clench at the thought that such mothers exist) mothers share these same feelings of awesome wonder, watching the growing process of their kids. Committed to fighting for them like lionesses. Determined to break open their shell for their light to shine through. Sit up watching and praying, hoping that, the lessons will take. It’s no mean feat. For God to have entrusted us with this responsibility, He must have had great faith in our abilities, our capabilities.

Today I celebrate my son. I Celebrate me. I also celebrate all the great mom’s out there. Married and unmarried. In the blessing that you are to these kids, YOU are endowed, Lifted and Blessed forever! Amen.

Monday, 27 February 2017

Sango or Yahweh. Part Two - The Realisation

As parents, you pass on tradition, pass on your beliefs, and form cultures. You were brought up going to church, so you take your child to church. You believe in an altruistic creator. So you tell and convince your child(ren) to believe as you do. You think it would be great to inculcate certain habits in them, so you embark on repetitive behaviors that form cultures, which would mold this individual into the ideal society participant. In the whole interplay of your molding and forming, you forget the one crucial thing that can undo or cement all you’re forming. The experiences the children go through. Their understanding, and reaction to these experiences. Why else would you have PK’s becoming nude pop singers? Going so far left from the apparent cultures and beliefs that they were brought up with?
This realization plagued me. Even as I awaited God’s defense of Himself, curious about how it will come, wondering if perhaps He meant for me to help Him. I sought out answers from family and friends, but none had an answer that satisfied me, that I felt confident will answer my inquisitive 7 going on 70-year-old angel.
Several days go by and am watching and wondering. Then it happened. It was Little Man’s turn to lead evening devotion. We finished reading and explaining the totally unrelated passage, and it’s time for him to pray. He says the usual gratitude and requests and then with a heavy pause that makes me peep at him, he goes - “Am sorry God for being angry with you, I won’t be angry anymore, and I still Love you”.
God doesn’t need our help, doesn’t need to defend Himself, because He just IS. Confronted by the awesomeness of His Love and Grace, you can’t help but fall in Love. He showed me, that you don’t need the theological exposure, education or experience. He can still be EXPERIENCED by even a baby who can’t speak or explain. HE IS.
The parenting thing is a bit harder for the single parent. Wondering if we are doing the right thing or if our words are resonating and forming ethical characters. Sometimes the self-doubt just seeks to bury you. You don’t always get an answer to your questions and prayers, or at least not in the way you want; but for me, this reminder was all I needed. HE IS, and HE CARES. My trust therefore, is not in the arm of flesh, not even my own, strong and hardworking as I may be. My only boast is in the sufficiency of HIM WHO MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME!
Hence for me and my house hold, IT’S YAHWEH ALL THE WAY!

Golden Child of a Golden GOD.

Friday, 24 February 2017


My Angel is at it again. Melting my heart just the way only he knows how. Very recently, his school held their annual inter-house sports, and little man was so excited to be representing his house in several activities. Now some parents, do the whole “It’s just for fun, so let’s go laugh and have a good time”. For me, there should be excellence even in fun, and I do admit, I go overboard in the whole competitive spirit sometimes. We had been practicing racing in sacks, filling baskets and short dashes all week in the bid to score all gold medals.
Friday morning dawns bright and fair, and anticipation is at the peak, for all the medals we were going to collect. First event, performance was first from the last. Second event, not much different from the first, third event, Oh Gosh, somebody help me now, my sweet baby broke down in tears. To be fair, his competition were older and he did give it his very best.
Of course, at this point, I had to switch gears, and encourage him to “just have fun”. The good-natured ribbing from the parents around smarted, and we decided we’d cool it off with cone ice-creams! Nothing in life is that serious jare! The parents’ activity comes up, and I sign up for some good old fun. Other mom’s like myself struggle through the task of tying a tie, and I manage to come second! Ah! See beefing! I almost wanted to reject the gift, so Angel doesn’t feel bad.
“This is totally unacceptable! I did four events and got nothing! You did just one and got a gift! I can’t believe it! I didn’t even win one!” Am laughing, because it is just ridiculous! Thinking he is also having fun with the whole situation. Next thing I hear “Mom, am changing my religion” HuH?! “To what?” I ask, half in jest, half serious, trying to keep up with his mind. “Am changing to traditional, cos I prayed to God, and asked for help in my races, and He didn’t Help me!”
How do you explain to a child, whom you have taught, that sometimes, you don’t get an answer from the all-powerful, all Loving God, whom he must respect, and worship. I was at a loss. This wasn’t a moment for jokes anymore, and for the life of me, I couldn’t come up with a befitting answer. 
It’s a fragile thing - a child’s trust. Innocently given, innocently expectant. How does it blossom, under the harsh realities of life’s disappointments? How many other silent prayers offered and unanswered does he harbor a disappointment for? How do I convince him again, that there is a God, who is concerned about the little things that concern him? What can I do but hand over the matter to God, to well, stand up for Himself!
Did He stand up for Himself? Is Angel going to be a Sango Worshipper? Read the 2nd part to find out!

Life Can Be Simply Golden


Monday, 6 February 2017

Like Fine Wine...

By definition, a mature lady is someone who by society definition is past the first bloom of youth, when you hit the big 3 decades, and you stop saying your age at your birthday drinkies. It also includes single mom’s, who though hot, fresh, sweet, nice…bear the extra scars from the journey to and fro the labor room.
These women are passed over, for the “sweet, fresh under 25’s” which have the fresh flush of youth, excitement, and adventurousness of the young and hot blooded. The common belief is that this ‘omalicha’s’ hold an advantage to the older set, because they are mostly assumed to be unsullied, perky, and idol worship the boo. Elevating him to god status.
I get it, who doesn’t like to be worshiped, and gazed upon with huge doe-like eyes, hanging onto every word, like you are the best thing right before grandma’s jollof rice. But hold on, even gods get exhausted with all the hero worship because after all the worship comes the requests!
The mature lady is better, and here are my arguments:
1)      Maturity lends her understanding. She is more understanding of your quirks and flaws, and more forgiven too. She’s been around the block a few times to know that the ‘god’ has clay feet.
2)      Singleness for the extended period has grown her appreciation. She knows what it takes to come home, arrange fuel for the gen, change the light bulbs, repair the plumbing, put water in the car, check oil, and all those little things that she has to do, grudgingly while protecting her manicure. So the ‘god’ is willing to do all those little nothings? Darn straight she’s grateful. It’s a big deal for her, compared to the little chit’s who wonder what the heck is taking so long?!
3)      She’s independent. And that’s a good thing. You can work, without worrying about her moping because she doesn’t have your attention. You can go 3-4 hours, without checking in cos you know she’s got her game and can handle business. Isn’t going to call you and say, “Honey, power is back on and there’s a whirring sound coming from the laundry room, can you come check it out?”
4)      Family blues? With a mature lady, you’ve got it sweet. They are happy and grateful that their sister/daughter finally got involved, so they make extra effort to make you happy, and not ‘stress’ the relationship with demands. They work extra hard to ensure you are accommodated and content.
5)      A mature single lady doesn’t need to work hard. She works smart. And am not talking computers or admin here. Am talking behind closed doors, car back seats, and deserted locker rooms. She knows just what to do, how to do, to get you…
6)      If she’s got a child, good for you. You get insurance that the tools work (it’s a great big deal, check Bar Beach if you disbelieve me). Then you get to practice Daddy, on some other person’s child, so you become perfect for your own. Readymade family, that you slide neatly into.
7)      The single mature lady has found Spirituality. She’s spent some time in spiritual exercises and is more discerning. She’s gonna war room all over you! Your trips are covered, business deals sealed, your life surrendered to God Almighty.
Just one caveat, the single mature lady hasn’t got time to waste. If you don’t wanna be serious, keep stepping. This one interprets/completes “Let's take a walk” for “down the Aisle”

After all said and done, the main thing anyone should check when choosing a partner is: "What are her/his values?" This person is going to be a role model for your kids. What do they believe, what intentions fuel their actions? You can't gloss over this. If you don't know what values to hold dear, then please hold on and discover the man in the mirror.
Golden Life...