Wednesday, 3 May 2017

MI CORAZON

We lie in bed, catching up on random thoughts after bedtime story, waiting for sleep to take us over, this is a nightly ritual I look forward to. It gives me a sense of the way this young man’s mind is developing, what concerns him, and it’s just generally relaxing jare. So the young man goes, “I had Afang soup at my friend’s house last week, and… it was nice.” Casting me a mischievous sideward glance. Am struggling to catch up with what the sideward glance means. This is someone who would fuss over swallow, and only agree to eat if it is fufu. Not garri, pounded yam, semo, amala, or anything else. Just as am about to ask, if he ate it with garri, he goes “Are you jealous right now?” like what the *&#$! So he knows eh? That I get huffy (not jealous jor!) when he enjoys some other person’s food?! Hah! This boy has me all figured out, I declare! (Side note, if my son comes to your house, please crackers and water is fine!)
It turns into a tickling fit, as I try to “punish” him for that remark. “Stop mom, stop! I like yours too! Yours is nice, and hers is nice, just saying!” with that statement, he gets off the hook. Then he gives me a hug and says, “Mom I really like you.” That alone gets me misty eyed, thinking awww, what a sweet child, but no. He goes and really makes me drip from my eyes.
“I really like you, not love. Of course, I love you, you’re my mum, buy me what I need, take care of me, teach me, and worry about me; but I really like you cos you’re my friend. I can play with you and tell you anything!” Hah! My fingers still tingle typing it, and my chest gets tight remembering. This child is growing up smart! How important is it to be friends with your kids? Nothing is more so! Being not just their provider and caretaker, but also their friend. Someone they can confide in, who gets them, and doesn’t judge.
I was still trying to get my breath from the overwhelming emotion when it enters my heart. “That’s just the way I need you to be with Me. I don’t need you to come only when you need. Am happy to provide, but I also yearn to be your friend, buddy, Your number one option for fellowship”.
It is such a time of renewal when we fellowship with God, not just the moments when we worry or complain. But the moments when we share a laugh, and glory in the wonder of discovery of one of His creations. Just as am constantly amazed by this warm breathing cuteness curled up beside me. Ah Abba! Mi Corazon! Never let me forget, to be friends with
him, and with You.

Golden moments of Friendship, Golden Life

D2AGE

Monday, 20 March 2017

ECSTATIC!

Ecstatic!!! That word just begins to describe how I feel. 8 years?! Oh my gosh?! When and where did time fly to? Who is this handsome, self-possessed young boy smiling so confidently beside me?
Remaining ever fresh in my mind, the maddening pain I had to endure to push you out. They say you forget, who sai?! I remember o! In the end, I gave up, my strength was not enough. I had to be assisted to pull you out. Kai! I should have known from then, that I had just birthed greatness.

Every year unfolding has seen us growing together, learning together, discovering together! Pages will not be enough to retell memories, share stories… That’s sorta why I started this blog in any case. Lol! So I’ll spare the retelling, for some other time. Today, I just wanna speak over you, my son. I write and store in the time vaults of the internet, you’re blessed, healthy, favored, at peace, protected, and honored. You are satisfied with long life. You impact your generation for good, ALL to the Glory of God, who is ever-present as your friend, guide, teacher, love, and Father.

I know most (not every because what I read in the news sometimes makes my womb clench at the thought that such mothers exist) mothers share these same feelings of awesome wonder, watching the growing process of their kids. Committed to fighting for them like lionesses. Determined to break open their shell for their light to shine through. Sit up watching and praying, hoping that, the lessons will take. It’s no mean feat. For God to have entrusted us with this responsibility, He must have had great faith in our abilities, our capabilities.

Today I celebrate my son. I Celebrate me. I also celebrate all the great mom’s out there. Married and unmarried. In the blessing that you are to these kids, YOU are endowed, Lifted and Blessed forever! Amen.


Monday, 27 February 2017

Sango or Yahweh. Part Two - The Realisation

As parents, you pass on tradition, pass on your beliefs, and form cultures. You were brought up going to church, so you take your child to church. You believe in an altruistic creator. So you tell and convince your child(ren) to believe as you do. You think it would be great to inculcate certain habits in them, so you embark on repetitive behaviors that form cultures, which would mold this individual into the ideal society participant. In the whole interplay of your molding and forming, you forget the one crucial thing that can undo or cement all you’re forming. The experiences the children go through. Their understanding, and reaction to these experiences. Why else would you have PK’s becoming nude pop singers? Going so far left from the apparent cultures and beliefs that they were brought up with?
This realization plagued me. Even as I awaited God’s defense of Himself, curious about how it will come, wondering if perhaps He meant for me to help Him. I sought out answers from family and friends, but none had an answer that satisfied me, that I felt confident will answer my inquisitive 7 going on 70-year-old angel.
Several days go by and am watching and wondering. Then it happened. It was Little Man’s turn to lead evening devotion. We finished reading and explaining the totally unrelated passage, and it’s time for him to pray. He says the usual gratitude and requests and then with a heavy pause that makes me peep at him, he goes - “Am sorry God for being angry with you, I won’t be angry anymore, and I still Love you”.
God doesn’t need our help, doesn’t need to defend Himself, because He just IS. Confronted by the awesomeness of His Love and Grace, you can’t help but fall in Love. He showed me, that you don’t need the theological exposure, education or experience. He can still be EXPERIENCED by even a baby who can’t speak or explain. HE IS.
The parenting thing is a bit harder for the single parent. Wondering if we are doing the right thing or if our words are resonating and forming ethical characters. Sometimes the self-doubt just seeks to bury you. You don’t always get an answer to your questions and prayers, or at least not in the way you want; but for me, this reminder was all I needed. HE IS, and HE CARES. My trust therefore, is not in the arm of flesh, not even my own, strong and hardworking as I may be. My only boast is in the sufficiency of HIM WHO MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME!
Hence for me and my house hold, IT’S YAHWEH ALL THE WAY!


Golden Child of a Golden GOD.
D2AGE

Friday, 24 February 2017

SANGO OR YAHWEH?

My Angel is at it again. Melting my heart just the way only he knows how. Very recently, his school held their annual inter-house sports, and little man was so excited to be representing his house in several activities. Now some parents, do the whole “It’s just for fun, so let’s go laugh and have a good time”. For me, there should be excellence even in fun, and I do admit, I go overboard in the whole competitive spirit sometimes. We had been practicing racing in sacks, filling baskets and short dashes all week in the bid to score all gold medals.
Friday morning dawns bright and fair, and anticipation is at the peak, for all the medals we were going to collect. First event, performance was first from the last. Second event, not much different from the first, third event, Oh Gosh, somebody help me now, my sweet baby broke down in tears. To be fair, his competition were older and he did give it his very best.
Of course, at this point, I had to switch gears, and encourage him to “just have fun”. The good-natured ribbing from the parents around smarted, and we decided we’d cool it off with cone ice-creams! Nothing in life is that serious jare! The parents’ activity comes up, and I sign up for some good old fun. Other mom’s like myself struggle through the task of tying a tie, and I manage to come second! Ah! See beefing! I almost wanted to reject the gift, so Angel doesn’t feel bad.
“This is totally unacceptable! I did four events and got nothing! You did just one and got a gift! I can’t believe it! I didn’t even win one!” Am laughing, because it is just ridiculous! Thinking he is also having fun with the whole situation. Next thing I hear “Mom, am changing my religion” HuH?! “To what?” I ask, half in jest, half serious, trying to keep up with his mind. “Am changing to traditional, cos I prayed to God, and asked for help in my races, and He didn’t Help me!”
How do you explain to a child, whom you have taught, that sometimes, you don’t get an answer from the all-powerful, all Loving God, whom he must respect, and worship. I was at a loss. This wasn’t a moment for jokes anymore, and for the life of me, I couldn’t come up with a befitting answer. 
It’s a fragile thing - a child’s trust. Innocently given, innocently expectant. How does it blossom, under the harsh realities of life’s disappointments? How many other silent prayers offered and unanswered does he harbor a disappointment for? How do I convince him again, that there is a God, who is concerned about the little things that concern him? What can I do but hand over the matter to God, to well, stand up for Himself!
Did He stand up for Himself? Is Angel going to be a Sango Worshipper? Read the 2nd part to find out!

Life Can Be Simply Golden

D2AGE

Monday, 6 February 2017

Like Fine Wine...

LIKE FINE WINE...IT GETS BETTER WITH AGE
WHY IT’S BETTER TO DATE A MATURE LADY
By definition, a mature lady is someone who by society definition is past the first bloom of youth, when you hit the big 3 decades, and you stop saying your age at your birthday drinkies. It also includes single mom’s, who though hot, fresh, sweet, nice…bear the extra scars from the journey to and fro the labor room.
These women are passed over, for the “sweet, fresh under 25’s” which have the fresh flush of youth, excitement, and adventurousness of the young and hot blooded. The common belief is that this ‘omalicha’s’ hold an advantage to the older set, because they are mostly assumed to be unsullied, perky, and idol worship the boo. Elevating him to god status.
I get it, who doesn’t like to be worshiped, and gazed upon with huge doe-like eyes, hanging onto every word, like you are the best thing right before grandma’s jollof rice. But hold on, even gods get exhausted with all the hero worship because after all the worship comes the requests!
The mature lady is better, and here are my arguments:
1)      Maturity lends her understanding. She is more understanding of your quirks and flaws, and more forgiven too. She’s been around the block a few times to know that the ‘god’ has clay feet.
2)      Singleness for the extended period has grown her appreciation. She knows what it takes to come home, arrange fuel for the gen, change the light bulbs, repair the plumbing, put water in the car, check oil, and all those little things that she has to do, grudgingly while protecting her manicure. So the ‘god’ is willing to do all those little nothings? Darn straight she’s grateful. It’s a big deal for her, compared to the little chit’s who wonder what the heck is taking so long?!
3)      She’s independent. And that’s a good thing. You can work, without worrying about her moping because she doesn’t have your attention. You can go 3-4 hours, without checking in cos you know she’s got her game and can handle business. Isn’t going to call you and say, “Honey, power is back on and there’s a whirring sound coming from the laundry room, can you come check it out?”
4)      Family blues? With a mature lady, you’ve got it sweet. They are happy and grateful that their sister/daughter finally got involved, so they make extra effort to make you happy, and not ‘stress’ the relationship with demands. They work extra hard to ensure you are accommodated and content.
5)      A mature single lady doesn’t need to work hard. She works smart. And am not talking computers or admin here. Am talking behind closed doors, car back seats, and deserted locker rooms. She knows just what to do, how to do, to get you…
6)      If she’s got a child, good for you. You get insurance that the tools work (it’s a great big deal, check Bar Beach if you disbelieve me). Then you get to practice Daddy, on some other person’s child, so you become perfect for your own. Readymade family, that you slide neatly into.
7)      The single mature lady has found Spirituality. She’s spent some time in spiritual exercises and is more discerning. She’s gonna war room all over you! Your trips are covered, business deals sealed, your life surrendered to God Almighty.
Just one caveat, the single mature lady hasn’t got time to waste. If you don’t wanna be serious, keep stepping. This one interprets/completes “Let's take a walk” for “down the Aisle”

After all said and done, the main thing anyone should check when choosing a partner is: "What are her/his values?" This person is going to be a role model for your kids. What do they believe, what intentions fuel their actions? You can't gloss over this. If you don't know what values to hold dear, then please hold on and discover the man in the mirror.
Golden Life...
D2AGE

Monday, 29 August 2016

HANG UP YOUR HANG UPS!!!


“God will effect justice! How can he just abdicate responsibility?! Fatherhood isn’t an accidental discharge! It’s a lifelong commitment to supporting and caring for his child!”
“I gave him a child! Made him a father for the first time! Such an invaluable gift! And he sends me peanuts for upkeep! I’ll make him pay!”
…and plenty such statements that show the big chip we carry on our shoulders. It's not reserved for single mom's alone, so please don’t snigger and please get off your high horse, we ALL do have hang-ups! Am just focusing on the single parents because well, that’s what this blog is about!
I chatted with a friend recently, and he gave me a narration of hell endured at the hands of woman, who got pregnant for him, and railroaded him to marry her. Fast forward to today, marriage has packed up, and babe has major hang-ups! “You won’t see your child!” You must pay big bucks child and mom support,” and all such declarations, basically all pointing to the one BIG CHIP OF ALL – YOU OWE ME AND YOU’LL PAY!
I smile when I hear statements that indicate this major hang up. I do not belittle the pain and effort that goes into training a child, much less alone. It’s major! I should and do know! From the financial to the emotional, moral and yes of course Nigerian mom that I am, spiritual! Midnight prayers and fasting on top his cute head! Lol! That being said, however, that effort shouldn’t emanate from a place of bitterness. I get it. He promised you heaven, delivered you hell, not even earth. He just totally abdicated responsibility, when you assumed you had a partner in for the long haul. He does something, but can do more, yet refuses to! He… he… he….! 
Give it a break already! While you’re busy filling your heart with anger, hate, and bitterness, life is going on. Yup! Every minute, of every hour, of everyday. All your griping hasn’t changed the seasons, neither has it changed him, but someone IS changing. YOU! You’re forgetting how to smile. How to be gracious. How to be generous, how to give without an expectation.
You’re giving out of love to that cute baby that’s yours, that looks up to you, has no one but you, and loves you unconditionally! NOT the loafer that left you in the lurch!
Babe, e do. Hang up that Hang up! Do you. If you can still find you underneath all the pent up anger and frustration. Think instead of the gift you’ve been blessed with. For children are exactly that -  A heritage of the Lord, a reward from Him (Psalm 127 vs 3-4)
Allow no Dross, Be Golden…

D2AGE

Thursday, 30 June 2016

SACRIFICES

I lie in yet another hotel room, lazily scanning through a book in a bid to relax after the day’s work, my mind half on the text, half on my treasure who yet again has to accept the promise of toys and more chocolates for mummy’s absence. It is truly difficult. Every good bye, every call to touch base to ascertain that he is okay. The debate of if to call three – four times, to tell him how much you miss him, or just call once, and not enhance the pain of the distance. At points like these, I’m not quite sure who needs the reassurance more; Him, that mom loves him, and really doesn’t want to be away; or Me, that he isn’t vexed, and understands why this is the life that we live.
Being a parent isn’t a plate of fried rice. No matter the books you read, and experience you’ve had with younger siblings, it doesn’t quite cut it like having your very own, for which you are responsible. This living, breathing, writhing being, which you have to nurture, crop sometimes, and groom to be an upstanding member of society. The kicker for me though is this - what happens to the yearning, writhing, (truly) living dreams inside you which desire to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves? I’d truly love an answer.
For every opportunity missed in growing your ‘you’, so ‘He’ can grow, is a little seed of resentment planted? If yes, what fruits will it yield? How do you ‘joyfully’ play on slow mo’ knowing that time is also ticking for you, especially in today’s fast paced technology driven world. It’s a hard trade off that shouldn’t be asked of anyone.
Loving your precious jewel, I believe also requires loving you. Allow yourself growth opportunities, become someone they can boast of, be proud of, look up to. The ideal of that equal split down the middle of work-life balance is a myth; it’s more a zigzag between the two points. That being said, even while taking opportunities, and earning the ‘bread’ that takes care of the ‘stead’, remember it’s all because of the young’uns, who have been entrusted to your care. No sitting on your ass, hoping things will fall in place, being mediocre, under the umbrella excuse of ‘am a single parent…I’ve no one to help.’ Don’t beat yourself up because you’ve to work and there’s no significant other to help support watch the kids, or bring home the bacon, and reduce your need to work. Being a parent is just one of your identities, go out and maximize opportunities; God gave, God watches, God is WILLING AND ABLE TO HELP!
Love Them, Love You.
Be Productive, Be Golden!

D2AGE