MUCH ADO ABOUT CORNFLAKES!!!

It’s been a pretty long time, I penned down my thoughts. Not because I haven’t been having them, or weird occurrences that make you wanna laugh, cry and sometimes both; but because…well…life has been happening!

So this morning, the usual activity preparing for school, had me almost pulling my hair out. It just was one of those days, when this small child decided to show me a new lesson in patience. We struggle through it till we get to breakfast. As much as he is determined to teach me patience, am determined to model forbearance to him. How? I hear you ask? Simple! By serving him a breakfast I know he isn’t crazy about! He is going to get his comeuppance unless I am not his mother!!!

I send him to the dining, chuckling inwardly in anticipation of the moan am sure to hear, and gearing up for the argument am going to engage in, which I have full intention of winning! See, this companion I have for the first 18 years of his life is very engaging. I’ve adapted my mother’s parenting rule book so many times, and there are still no answers for some of the arguments this new generation child brings up!

I wait, and wait, and wait. The sound of breakfast being eaten WITHOUT A FUSS is what greets my expectant ears! Unbelieving, I go to see with my eyes, the evidence my ears are trying to convince me of. It is true. He is having breakfast! Small victory for me. Am wondering, has he finally learned that fussing will get him nowhere? OR could it be that he woke up hungry for cornflakes, OR WHAT?!

The mystery of this victory conceded without a fight makes me curious. “Gabriel, how’s your breakfast?” I ask, probing gently, for I am somewhat grateful that there isn’t a fuss, curious as I may be. “It’s okay Mom, It’s just that I don’t like the taste of the cereal. Cornflakes is energy giving food, so I’ll eat but Mom, when I eat stuff I don’t like, it affects my happiness, and I won’t be able to focus the whole day in school. You should give me what I’d be happy eating, not what you think I should eat.” EH?! Odiegwu?! Is this my child or my father?! But hold on! He has a point. As do I with this story.

At what point do we let our children be part of the decision making process that affects their lives. It could be cornflakes, what to wear, school to go or whatever. Of course am not saying let them take over and just do what they like, but inviting and listening to their contributions, acquiescing to their suggestions when it has merit. The African traditional factor, where we decide for them obviously is outdated in today’s iPad child. Here I was preparing for the teenage years, little did I realise that the “Bo’teen” years where upon me, promoted by internet, and TV and globalisation and Vitamins!!!

Moral of the story, when next I’m going food shopping, he’s coming with me to choose his brand. No point making him unhappy, and unable to focus in school, yet expecting excellent grades. Now that’s fool hardy, innit?!

Golden Moments, Golden Children

D2AGE

HAPPY MATHER’S DAY!!!

The world recently celebrated Father’s and a dear colleague wished me Happy Father’s day and inspired this post. So Funmike this one’s for you!

I love my Dad. I also celebrate all the real men out there, who are positive role models. For in my estimation, that’s what Fatherhood is about. Unfortunately our society reflects the fact that most men have given up the responsibility of shaping positively the young lives who are eager to emulate ‘their heroes’.

Please if you had a biological event, contributed to the generation of another human being, acquired the title ‘Father’, but ditched the responsibility that comes with it? Please continue sipping from your beer glass, as you walk on by, ‘cos Father’s day doesn’t refer to you.

Today though, am celebrating the STRONG WOMEN who pull off the double shift of ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’. Not just referring to single moms here, but the whole broad spectrum. Single Unmarried Mom, Widowed, Married but absent/unable/unwilling father Mom, Benefactor etc. Dear world I introduce to you, the woman who is a MATHER.

PROVIDER: A beautiful woman is more attractive when she signs the cheques. Or so the lyricists say. This woman works her fingers to the bone, to ensure that her young’uns have their needs met, even when some of hers get sacrificed.

PLANNER: Mather’s usually have lists for their lists! They are master strategists that would compete favourably with Napoleon. Fully aware that without a plan, the family are left vulnerable to the storms of life. Buffeted and tossed by the whims of its wind.

PROTECTOR: The Mather is fiercer that the She-Bear. Aware of the fact that she wears the pants as well as the skirts, she’d go all out to give her cubs the sense of security that they need to develop well. She protects them from even themselves by setting boundaries and establishing discipline which inculcates right values.

The world over, many people will give praise to a “Mather” who made them what they are today. Why do Mather’s exist, and why are they increasing in numbers by the day? We could blame it on economic downslide, blame it on environmental/social insecurity, moral decadence or whatever; truth is these women didn’t have to pick up the slack. They could’ve gone right ahead to pass the baton. They chose to be responsible, to chin up and forge a legacy, to be right, NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD THE ANSWERS, BUT BECAUSE THESE LIVES MEANT MORE THAN THEIR LIFE.

So cheers to all the Mather’s round the globe. I celebrate you. Your kids appreciate your sacrifice, and the world is grateful to you for your dedication. 

HAPPY MATHERS DAY!!!

Keep being Golden…

D2AGE.

TATAFO?!

Its either am getting older than I reckoned, or My tatafo hormones just got activated. But am having difficulty minding my business these days.
"What's got me on a roll now?" I hear you ask. Don't worry I'll tell you! Its this baby mama fad oh! It starting to vex me now, I must confess. It's like a desk army officer being decorated to an audience of Battle Field officers.
So recently on SM (Social Media), I saw how some lady was being congratulated at her baby shower after she successfully passed through the labour room. Thing is she's from a POPULAR FAMILY AND GAVE BIRTH FOR A POPULAR PERSONALITY. She was being congratulate by OLDER, EMINENT people of society!
Where's the whole s*#t for church mentality? Or is it becomes the 'culprits' are wealthy? Cos it obviously is a case of different standards.

Leads me to the crux of this post. Guys you've got to tell me. Do I teach my child to make enough money so that he can make his own rules? Or do I teach him to develop values which he can be at peace with even in penury? Today's reality beats my reckoning!

Glitter and Glitz...is that the Golden Life?
D2AGE

THIS TERRIBLE BEAUTIFUL THING CALLED HOPE

I just watched this movie – “The Great Gatsby” where the main character was hailed as the most “Hopeful” person the narrator had met. I guess that was high praise. With all the things that can go wrong while existing on planet earth, it’s so easy to get despondent. To despair and fall into a major depression, due to the constant dread of impending doom. (Hmn… why are there so many dreary words that begin with the letter D?! Join the fun, share some of your own words in the comment section). Hope becomes very important to succeed.

Being a Nigerian and living in Nigeria requires that you have high doses of this thing called Hope. You cook and fill the fridge with food to last a month with the ‘Hope’ that Power supply will cooperate to ensure that the food doesn’t go bad. You wake up in the morning and turn the taps with the ‘Hope’ that water board hasn’t gone on the blink again. You get stopped by a traffic warden, and you ‘Hope’ he would be satisfied with a smile and would just let you go after his check of your papers, fire extinguisher and waste basket has ALL CHECKED OUT!

Hope in love, though, is a whole different ball game all together. Gatsby is a great example for hope in love. He fell in love with a moneyed golden girl, who desperately loved him too, but didn’t love his penniless state at all. So she ‘falls in love’ with old money embodied in a brute. Gatsby doesn’t give up hope. He made the money, came back to recapture her heart and win her hand. Relentlessly hoping that he’d succeed. Won’t spoil it for those who decide to watch it. I’ll just say it’s worth watching.

Hope for women is brutal. We rest so much on it, and get so disappointed. We all know the examples. We Hope that he’s changed, and that its just innocent flirtation. We Hope that he meant it when he said he’d never lose his temper that way again. We Hope that he’d be more responsible, be more around, be more involved. We Hope that he’s the One. We Hope.

Then one day, when time has irrevocably passed, we realise that the beautiful pieces of glass shattered at our feet, which we’ve been prancing on, ignoring (or doing our best to ignore) the stinging pain from our feet, is actually our hopes, with the following lost opportunities we sacrificed. 

This terrible beautiful thing called hope…

Living life like its golden.

D2AGE

RAHAB'S REALITY

The 2nd chapter in the book of Joshua, tells us about a harlot named Rahab. She audaciously demanded respite for herself and her family from destruction when Isrealites invaded Jericho.Before you start wondering  if I've turned Preacher, I'll assure you that the Bible is an awesome book to read, and learn from.

So why am I talking about a harlot? Here's why -there's a major lesson I recently re-learnt from her, and good friend that I am, am eager to share it with you all. 

There's nothing really spectacular about Rahab. Harlots' those days, practised the same trade, in the same way as the ones these days. They were disdained, lied to, tricked, cheated, taken advantage of... are you starting to get the drift? Without bias, they offered a service for a fee, which you could accept or refuse. Like most relationships. Its NEVER BY FORCE. You choose to accept or refuse the terms of the relationship. Like most relationships also, honesty and fairness is expected. Okay, before I go on another tangent, lets go back to Rahab.

So some strange men come to her house at night, and she realises that they are Isrealites. The Bible doesn't tell us what they came for, so I wouldn't presume. Your guess is as good as mine, right? Lol! So 'Government' became alerted that they were there, and sought to capture them, Rahab OFFERS them succour and LIES for them to escape capture. So what's so fantastic about this? Stay with me, and I'll show you.

Rahab TRUSTED NOT ONLY HER LIFE, BUT THE LIVES OF HER FAMILY TO STRANGERS SHE HAD JUST MET, DESPITE THE HISTORY OF BROKEN PROMISES, LIES, TRICKS ETCETERA.

Don't ask me why she took that risk, or what convinced her. I couldn't give you an answer. This however, was the lesson for me: NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU'VE BEEN HURT, YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO CLOSE UP, AND SHUT OUT, BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT BE SAVING YOUR LIFE.

Keep loving, keep believing, and you will happen upon that pot of Gold.

Don't be bitter, just be Golden

D2AGE.

Photo Credit: "The Pious Harlots" - Fineartamerica.com

COMMONPLACE DOES NOT DISCOUNT VALUE

I sat in church attentively listening to the sermon, and had a Eureka Moment! The Pastor said: "The commonness of a thing doesn't discount its value." How true those words are, but often overlooked. Let me explain a bit further. We constantly hear from motivational speakers and the like: "Distinct yourself, Stand out from the crowd, Seperate yourself from the norm, Don't follow the crowd..." We are inundated daily with infographics that tell us, no command us to be distinctive to get attention. Truthfully they are right. BUT... Let’s pause and think for a moment. Pure water sachets are same. They are branded differently but contents are basically same; yet their value cannot be underestimated. Salt? Brand it, iodise it, color it, its basic value is what it offers; Sand? Air? 

I use the everyday most common place examples, so we all can relate, and understand why it was so phenomenal for me. As humans we go to such great lengths to re-invent and package ourselves, so much so that we lose sight of the value of ourselves! For women, its a different ball game! Doubt me? Lets take a look on the streets, or if you're feeling a bit lazy, go on your Instagram page, scroll down to see tons of lovely, striking, and well put together ladies. In fact there are dedicated pages for all these hotness. The likes of Naija Girls Killing it, Asoebi Bella, Bella Naija, and the rest. One might argue and say its all false packaging and stuff, and you might be right. Still, the beautiful ones have been born, and are grown!

So in the face of all these loveliness, its too easy for two things to happen:

1) You go overboard trying to distinct yourself, and become silly. I call it the Miley Cyrus Syndrome. We see beautiful ladies wearing and behaving ridiculously all in the bid to garner attention, 'cos in this generation that we live, attention is cash!

2) You start to feel small and very common, you stop taking pride in the value that is inherent in you. I gave this one the Mouse Syndrome. Shrink away from adventure, people life! Just do the daily existence. 

So what’s the balance? Did I hear you ask? Am discovering myself, but we give a little, and get a little, right? So I’ll share mine and you’ll share yours. Since we agree, here goes:

1)     What’s my value? To my family, friends, job, community?

Getting re-affirmation from my constant contribution to this direct sphere of influence helps a whole lot.

2)     Don’t settle for less! I constantly tell myself, Yes, there are plenty in the fishes in the sea, but that doesn’t discount my offering! So please give me my due!

3)     Where there’s no appreciation, there’s depreciation! So deliberate effort should be made to improve, and not stagnate. I’m never going to be a'has been’!

Remain Golden, it never goes out of style!

D2AGE

PART THREE: Single Mom Dating.

Okay guys, so this is the third and final sequel to "Dating Etiquette for Single Mom's", unless one of you comes up with another question that sparks another blog post! LoL! So the question/opinion was: " Doesn't it depend on the KIND of guy you are dating? Surely different guys would want different kind of behaviours? Take Nikki Minaj and her Bae, or Kim K and Hubby for example?"

This question got Love Expert sitting back in her chair to deeply analyse this 2 in 1 question. Firstly, Should you act differently with different kind of men? Secondly, which is the most appropriate type of man for a single mom to date?

Okay first question: I do not believe it wise to be different with different kind of people. The basis still stands: WHO ARE YOU? So if you're dating a rapper, or film director, or business man, or football coach, or banker; it doesn't matter! Young, old, rich, poor! You are the CONSTANT! What standards are YOU most comfortable with? What environment do YOU thrive in? If you put on a character, ultimately its bound to wear thin, then you end up hating the other person, and yourself even more for being someone you're not. You're either happy go lucky, or serious lady, or chilled out chic. You love yourself, they fall and remain in love with you! Gbam!

Second Question: Which is the most appropriate man for a single mom to date? The first thing wrong with this question is the title 'single mom'. Granted dating is a bit more difficult for single mom's (especially if your kid(s) are living with you, and are at a young impressionable age); but guess what? This status is just ONE aspect of you!!! So the question should be more like: "Which is the most appropriate man for a woman to date!"

Secondly, what is "Appropriate?" Older and Mature? Widower or Divorced? Pastor and Saint? When you're a single mom, its so easy to take your self out of the running. You stop exercising, stop feeling and being young, so focused on this great responsibility of being a mom! It's a HUGE and commendable role I admit. But catch 21, You're SINGLE! So who says a younger guy can't rock your boat? Be the one who makes you laugh, makes you feel alive, be your MAN? I truly believe age is nothing but a number. 

So simple answer to the question - Go where your heart takes you honey. Being a woman is so many things, don't focus on just the one (mom), don't wear your status like an albatross. 

Again, Be the Best of You, and ALL GOOD THINGS WILL COME.

Love is Gold, Be Golden.

D2AGE

Picture Credit: Flikr.com