I DO...

 

As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to matter. Matter economically, spiritually, physically, in every way that one could matter.

I hear I am smart. I have the evidence to show for it too. I therefore think I am smart. So why then does my ‘smarts’ not generate the financial results that it should? So I despise it.

I hear I am eloquent. I have a way with words. I have the evidence also to show for it. I speak and people perk up. They listen, they act. So why am I not convinced by the words that I speak to myself? Why do I doubt my results, and limit myself due to the fears of imposter syndrome? So I disbelieve it.

I hear I am beautiful. Black goddess, ebony queen, captivating eyes. Endless legs and a smile that wins hearts. LOL. I’ve 2 beauty pageant crowns to show for it. But somehow, it is not captivating enough to get ‘him’ to commit. So distrust it.

I remain on this self- sabotaging carousel of insecurity, saying the right things, going through the motions, grateful for the wins, despondent about the losses, crawling back into my shell, unwilling to try again. Afraid.

Until. I rally myself. Bolstered by just enough courage to try again. Almost welcoming the hit that is sure to come. Totally excited, surprised and grateful when it’s a win. Happy that I took the chance, stuck my head out, and did it, afraid.

For isn’t that what courage is? Stepping out to do even with full knowledge of the risks and impending certain failure? Yet persuaded enough by the glimmer of success to try? And for every sweet win, I’ll spread that molasse of sticky sugary goodness, over the hateful ever whispering voice that says “You. Do. Not. Matter.” I’ll pull out every glittering beautiful image, and grateful thank you from lives impacted, undeniable evidence that smiles and says “I.Do.”

 

WHAT (NOT) TO DO WHEN YOU ARE FEELLING LOST AND ALONE

It’s the festive season again and with its ‘ho ho ho’, goodwill and cheer to all men! Isn’t it funny how in the midst of all the rambunctious partying the quiet moments still seem to filter persistently through? That’s if the morning after cymbals and drumset in your head would ease a bit. Perhaps you were not even fortunate to have a party to go to, with friends to hang out with, and as such the silence is twice as loud… where the clock ticking seems to mock you “Alone, again, just you, alone, again” in a never ending rhythm! Arrggggghhhhhh !!! I know, no need to tick tock it to death!
Well if this sounds familiar in anyway, first thing you should know is that there are a lot more people in this boat that you would reckon! Yup! Even the ones with rings on their finger… some of them actually have it worse (sic!) Quickly moving on because this is a no hating zone, (cheeky wink) what do we do to take away the blues? I got a list here that is guarandamnteed to work if you follow it to a T!
1) Do (not) play and listen to all those maudlin love songs. All wrapped up under your duvet, holding your pillow tight, imagining a slow waltz and how beautiful and svelte you look. By all means please indulge in such dreams.
2) Do (not) put on happily ever after cheesy love stories, stuffing your face with ice-cream and cold chicken while sighing on how gorgeous the prince looks. After all the sugar wouldn’t take you on a sugar high, and bring you crashing down even lower. No Jose! Not to mention how your waist will never add an inch!
3) Do (not) say yes to each and every invite in a crazy chase away the blues party carousel. While you are at it too please “bottoms up!” is such a fun thing, the more, the merrier! Let loose, sober is so overrated!
4) Don’t (not) attend family gatherings (unless your family is seriously toxic, and even then you can be grateful that your life isn’t that bitter). These people loved you while you were still in nappies, never caring that you weren’t slaying with your fancy clothes, perfumes, jewellery and beat up face! Please avoid them, who needs them anyway when you’ve got Instagram and snap chat and all them “social” platforms that allow you to “interact” while observing “reality”.
5) My final and best bit - Please do (not) go shopping! Self love! Show them who is boss! Swipe that card like it was made to. Gift yourself every heart desire! After all its love your neighbour as yourself! Surely those ‘things’ will fill the gaping hole created by ‘people’.
Seriously, take the above advice. Best served with a pinch of salt. What to really really do?
Stretch out, feel that health in your bones and muscles, and smile.
Look up, see a ceiling or a sky? Be grateful and smile.
Don’t hide, celebrate life, with all its nuances, and a tear drop still forms and rolls down…celebrate that too, simply because it’s proof that you are gloriously human! Sure being alone sucks, but being alive beats that 10,000 times over. Remember that and rock every minute of it that you've got!

D2AGE

YOU AND ME

YOU AND ME

Lyrical lines

Haltingly flow under my pen

Painting a vision unfolding before my eyes

Is it before? Or of things to come?

Shifting and shaping, events beyond my ken!

Paint I must, with words deliberate

Lest I myself, however unwitting, trigger a spate,

For words flung into the atmosphere

Takes on life and form, morphing each and everywhere

For words were at the start of the existence of

You and me.

Throngs, push and rally, Baba Sai!

Fanatically blinded, to the lack of merit,

Despite the wailing of many, whose one refrain is Baba?! Kai!

Obviously wilted, certificates not legit,

Still he pronounces, I AM THE CHANGE!

On that we all agree, what we debate…

 Is - WHAT KIND OF CHANGE?

The Good Book, says we will be given leaders after our own heart

Is he perhaps a reflection of what our souls are?

Is he just the public face,

Of the secret you, and me?

  

Smoke and light,

The picture fades, then bright!

For with every prophesy

One different action, shifts the sands of time

Another time, another lie

The declaration is made

There is a cracking, rumbling, groaning

Even the earth revolts,

The pervading spirit of the air,

Awakens the monster from its lair

The Beast hitherto sleeping,

Time which stretched seemingly unending,

Has now roused!

Set to ravage everything,

Including you and me.

This monster is in you, and me

Reduced to Neanderthals, we fight

For our dreams, hopes, very existence

We know what the norms are, the expectations

But whatever,

Unthinking, uncaring, with deep feelings

We change our fate

For the prophesy is just vapor

Lacking substance or truth

Without our action!

2019, is you and me.

HOW ABOUT A BONFIRE NIGHT?

I have the nicest friends ever! Really I do! And what is life without great friendships?! Picture this- to my friends (a couple) hearing I declare my longing for a local dish, and my reluctance to cook it for myself. My friend quickly offers for his wife to cook it and share with me. The offer itself was kind enough and I suitably extended my gratitude. Of course good manners wasn’t going to make me remind them to do it, if they ‘conveniently’ forgot. Imagine my surprise therefore when she calls me, saying the food was ready, and she was willing to drive out to get it to me. Disregarding the distance she’d have to drive under pouring rain, just to fulfill a ‘stomach’s’ desire?! I was beyond humbled! I carried that flask reverently filled with awe at such kindness, because honestly I dare say I couldn’t have done that myself!

I figured, if she drove out all the way to get it to me, then I might as well honor her by eating it hot and fresh! So I set the flask on the dining table, fetch a fork, say a blessing, send another heart felt message of thanks to the couple, then inviting all to join me I settle in to begin my meal.

My son over my shoulder, looks at the meal and says, ‘it looks like it’s the dogs’ meal!!’ Honestly, if he was close to me, he’d have ‘felt’ the crack of thunder on the nearest part of his body that I could reach. As he wasn’t, I had to content myself with strongly reprimanding him verbally! Imagine?! How dare you say something like that about a food I was about to eat, especially one that was such a selfless sacrifice of love?!

As quick as the words were leaving my mouth, I felt a wash of shame that lowered my voice, and stilled my appetite. I remembered saying to someone who was about to eat her meal of oats, that I didn’t like to eat oats because it reminded me of catarrh with lumps! And several other thoughtless things I’ve innocently said without thinking. What right had I to chastise my boy, when the apple obviously hadn’t fallen very far from the tree?

I thoughtfully chewed, meditating on the learning that my son had unwittingly reminded me of again  that evening. ‘Remove the log from your eye so that you can better see to remove the speck from another’ (Matthew 7:5), how often had I viewed my attitude as being okay, explaining my actions via my intentions, but judging others solely on their actions and the consequences? Perhaps I remained single because of the log in my eye that didn’t permit me see that the standard I had set for a selection, was actually a bar that I hadn’t surpassed and hence fenced me in?

Well I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for ‘em logs; and if you’re a friend and you spot them, do be a dear and point them out. Or you can come for a log chopping party and help stack up logs for a huge bonfire of hypocritical and limiting habits!

Every day, In Every Way, Be the Best of You!

Golden Lessons, via a Golden Child

D2AGE

THE GOLDEN RULE...

Societal rules have always been confusing to me. How can it, at the same time, be cultured to behave a certain way and wimpy if you do! You’re not following? Okay let me start from the beginning.

“Mom, I want to ask my class teacher for the biscuit she promised me”

‘Erm, that’s not so cool, you have biscuits, why do you need to remind her about this one, what makes it special? Please don’t, if she remembers and gives you then fine, if she doesn’t don’t remind her. It will make you look greedy”

"No mom, it was her birthday and I wasn’t at school that day and she promised to give me mine, I’m not begging, just reminding her to give me what is already mine as she promised! I didn’t ask her, initially, she promised by herself!”

“Please No. DO NOT ASK HER, TELL ME HOW THE BISCUIT IS AND I’D BUY IT FOR YOU! THAT SHOULD BE THAT!”

A pause, then…

“Mom, aren’t you the one always saying to go after what I want? That the world will not hand me anything and I have to get up, speak up and go get what I want?

S – I –L – E –N –C –E

See what I mean?

We’ve been conditioned not to ‘come boldly’ (Hebrews 4:16) because it’s not ‘proper’ by societal standards, and now that we see the limitations and consciously try to overcome it, we ‘do not receive, because we don’t know how to ask!’ (James 4:3) Still bound by what society dictates, ask according to what society defines success and life to be.

Well, I’ve decided; to throw out the societal rule book, and use the one golden rule of all, to guide ALL interactions, behaviour, requests, …everything! The Golden rule? LOL! How about a bit of mystery? It’s quite simple really, if you know you know! (Big Cheeky Grin!)

Golden Girl Living by the Golden Rule

D2AGE

DRAMA KING

Conversation between Mother and Son

Son: ‘Mom what did you mean when you said that you’re giving me a hearty breakfast because I slept without having dinner?’

Mom: ‘What do you think I meant?’

Son: ‘That you’re giving me a really filling meal, so I’d be satisfied since I didn’t have any dinner.’

Mom: ‘So if you know, why are you asking me?’

Son (with a cute smile and wink): ‘Maybe because I just like the sound of my voice!’ and runs out of the kitchen dodging my well-aimed kick to his backside!

I laugh to myself, thinking, ‘Okay, brace up, you’re raising a drama king!’ Then the undertone of the lesson starts to flow gently into my heart.

We live in a time and age, where content generated and shared is applauded and rewarded. So much so that it’s become a career and a money spinner. Everyone is just talking, talking and talking! (Written and spoken words alike). I recently listened to a Member of House of the House of Representative opine his views about women in politics being a bit over the top. His reasoning ‘They already control the home, why should we let them also control the work space!’ Fellow members laughed! I was upset that I had wasted valuable time and data to listen/watch that! As far as I was concerned, he liked the sound of his voice, and thought we should also be pleased with the auditory sensations of his voice!

We are spending so much time talking, and not nearly enough listening. Listening to our hearts, the souls we engage with daily, and the world around us. With so many words, lacking value or even true meaning, how can we hear the unease or discontent that abounds? Or perhaps we hear it, and think more words will eventually drown it out?

Are we perhaps afraid that if we stopped to listen, we would hear our own inefficiencies and self doubt? Courage! For we MUST listen, to ourselves, and seek the value within; to the young ones, and hear the character taking shape; to God, so we can find direction and the purpose of the golden life we speak into being.

Listen, then speak Gold

D2AGE

COLOR MY LOVE

With this season comes the wash of red

A washing of blood viciously bled

Red to depict fiery, burning passionate emotion

Feelings first, no heed to sense or caution.

My love is good, true and Blue

Color it Blue, it speaks to you.

My love is Warm, Dynamic and Orange

So Roiling across the different range

My love is sunny shiny Yellow

Color it happy, it never leaves you hollow

My love is Royal Purple

Fit for no one but MY king.

My love is Rich and Green

Fruitful and Rewarding

Colour My Love

For it is more shades than red.

Golden Love,
D2AGE

LOVE=CHOICE

AH! Is this how I’m going to start this month?! Of all months this February?! I’ve been DUMPED! Ah my poor heart!

Unceremoniously and without preamble, my angel tells me ‘Mom, I can’t be your best friend anymore!’ the statement that brought my head up from my phone quick as a flash, and had me befuddled!

‘Why?’ I gently inquire, checking to see if I have in anyway defaulted on any promise, or not been ‘bestfriendly’ in any of my recent actions, behavior, words… what will prompt this one again bikonu?!

‘Mom, family can’t be best friends, they already share a blood bond that they can’t break. Best friends come by ‘choice’! Oh ho!! Na me send you to school, no vex Ette! But, I’ve got the upper hand, because you see, apart from the fact that I’ve had several more years of schooling, and life experiences; I’m a woman and a mom! These species know ALL things! LOL! So I have just the perfect rejoinder! Perfect because it’s TRUE!

‘But babe, I may have a blood bond, but not necessarily like you, so I’ll try to escape you or give you up, or ignore you. I love you, because yes there is the blood bond, but I really LIKE YOU, and CHOOSE YOU as MY best friend!’ That won me silence, one of his intense looks to see if I was telling the truth, then a big, tight hug! Ahhh!

This thing called love is in the air, its February afterall. Everyone is on the band wagon of St. Valentine. It’s so noisy on this wagon, that you barely find the peace to settle your heart and rediscover what the essence of true love is; understand what the authenticity of what it really feels and looks like. Too many times we chase the vapors, sacrifice our values, on a type a shadow, at best a certified photocopy.

Love must first start from you, for how can you ‘choose’ genuine love, if we cannot recognize it? How can we recognize it, if we don’t first recognize the originator? And it’s not St. Valentine! The refrain of a song plays in my ears as I type this ‘…thank you for loving me, too much o! excess love o! It took me a while, but I finally recognized You, and Accepted that You CHOSE TO LOVE ME, not because, but although, warts and all, ‘cos that’s just who YOU are. We share a bond I can’t escape from, only be liberated by.

What manner of Golden Love?

D2AGE

THE BIG PLAY OFF- HEART VERSUS RING

It’s another Saturday, and women know the horror of going to the market on Saturdays for the weeks’ supply of groceries. Honestly, the government that that helps us establish ultra-modern markets will have my life time vote! (or something like that! LOL). 

Anyways, I courageously head to the market this Saturday morning (because a girl must do what a girl must do) and expectedly it is the same crazy mix of humans, cars, wares and some animals here and there, all screaming and tooting horns as the feeling takes them, which was quite often. Parking of course was the usual nightmare. However I spy a spot on the street a short distance from the market and quickly park my car, heading out to the market before anyone can call me back.

On getting to my car after buying my groceries, what do I meet but an enterprising young man busily washing my car! It’s a good day so I start to chuckle. This my country! You hustle to make a buck with much risk! I ask him, ‘Oga so na by force washing be this now?’ ‘No oh, madam, I just say make I wash am, if you appreciate me, no problem.’ Was his response.

I stand watching him complete his task as my mind flies with thoughts. You see, this is how some of my single sisters, quickly ‘occupy’! They see a guy, who isn’t in a relationship,-ding ding! Potential husband material, and go on autopilot- 'I can groom him, make myself useful, get him hooked on me, till he sees he can’t live without me'. Then they start to call 'just checking on you', forming nice 'have you eaten', Being concerned 'hope the fuel situation is not stressing you', giving of themselves 'I believe in you, here, take my life savings and start the business,'...

 Like the enterprising man, it’s a risk! That play sometimes pays off with the ding a ling a ring, but other times… I may have come back from my shopping with no extra cash to spare, or given him something far lower than his effort. Some guys just enjoy the attention showered on them, but their empty pockets (hearts) has no love to spare! Some enjoy the attention, and when asked is this going to get to the Promised Land, they go ‘you’re like a sister to me!’

A play off of your heart, time, effort, emotions, resources for a ring might be worth it, but girls you may want to reconsider. The stakes are high. Moreover, you’d always wonder, did he really choose you, or is he merely coasting having just gone passively with the tide?

You’re worth a definite stand, and a pursuit! Only #occupyoninvitation

For my golden girls, because you’re worth it!

D2AGE.

ORIGINAL IS GOOD

It’s really a blessing to be part of the growing up years of a child. Watching a human take shape in their opinions, and convictions. I am constantly in awe of it, and humbled, that I have the opportunity and great responsibility to be part of that.

As with most of my posts, this one is inspired by a conversation with my Prince. His holiday project was one that he put much attention to do, and was quite proud of the finished work, which he eagerly took to school to submit. There was however the slight confusion of if we were to draw or use a real flower. First day of school and the usual conversation of how school was ensued.

 ‘

How about your project? Did you submit it?’

‘No, the teacher didn’t come to our class’ was the response.

‘Okay, so did you see others from your class mates? Did they draw or did they use a real flower.’ ‘Everybody drew’.

‘hmm…, well do you want us to quickly draw one?’ I asked,

‘No its okay, mine is original, original is good’

Wow! That pleased me. You’ve got to understand that even as adults very few people are courageous enough to stand for what they believe even if they are the only one. To be true to themselves, and hence the world. To live in liberation of who they truly are before the world wittingly and unwittingly conditioned them, forming a caricature of who they truly are.

My son is a generous person. That’s his true nature, this last Sunday, he didn’t have the opportunity to put his offering in. A teenager observed him with the money, and asked that he give it to him to use for transport. My son gave. When I heard the story, my reaction was that he had just been conned! But who is to say that he was? You see my conditioning had led me to reveal myself as a suspicious, afraid being, ever watchful for the manipulative antics of other humans. My son, still fresh in his honesty, walked in love to give freely, obtaining the joy that comes from living free, genuinely seeing the good in people.

As with most folks, the beginning of the year is usually reflective. I’ve been thinking and examining. I’ll confess that it hasn’t been a very easy process. Who am I really? Before the conditioning of experience, exposure, education, socio-economic and political culture? Before the hurts, disappointments, rejections and other hard knocks of life? Am I living my authentic self? Does my voice ring true for the convictions and values I hold dear, or is it a hollow echo of someone else’s truth? I don’t know. I do know that I am courageous enough to dig deep, and willing to unveil the queen behind the veil. Won’t you do the same for you?

Be Original, Original Rocks

Living the Golden Life

D2AGE

2018 – STRATEGIES FOR CATCHING A MAN!

LOL! Even I am tickled by the title, and it’s for real! Seriously! This post was inspired by the Holy Spirit as I listened to sermon in church (I assure you I was listening to the sermon, which was totally unrelated to this post. I’m a woman after all, and a veritable Queen of multitasking!)

Going straight into the matter – Remember I told you my best friend inspired this so scripture is involved, and it’s a common one – Proverbs 18 verse 22. ‘He who finds a wife, finds a good thing’ I’ve just read that scripture before, and glossed over it. Today, my eyes were open to a hidden truth, which I’d like to share with the rest of my single sisters.

Firstly (Please follow me closely, and may your heart of understanding be opened), English tells us that a ‘wife’ is someone who is married, right? So how then can a man find an ‘unmarried woman’ and it be described that he has found ‘a good thing’ and hence the title ‘wife’ is bestowed, just upon the finding, NOT the marrying. Which therefore means, that A WIFE IS A WOMAN WHO IS GOOD. Hence for 2018, we are going to set strategies to be good, Better, BEST!

Strategy 1. Do more, Talk Less! 2018 is not the year for yakking, whining, complaining, nagging, and so forth! It is the year for DOING! What’s that dream you’ve always had? Start about it! What’s the training you’ve always wanted to do? Go on and begin! Set clear, reasonable goals, draw up a realistic plan to achieve, identify strengths and obstacles, determine ways to overcome, and please go right ahead and take that first step!

Strategy 2. Be discerning and deliberate. Develop your success grid and pass EVERYTHING through it. What does your success look and sound like? Does this location serve it? Does this outfit reflect it? Does my network bolster it? Babes, we gotta be DELIBERATE about it. No wishy-washy half efforts. Be specific and goal oriented. People and things will align.

Strategy 3. Be quick to forgive. Leave the drama and weight of bitterness and offence in 2017. For 2018 goals, you need clear head space! This is the tricky one babes, our ‘feelings’! That thing is a land mine! Here’s a quick news flash for you darlings - You are not A SLAVE TO YOUR EMOTIONS! Something that fickle shouldn’t control and dictate your (re)actions! Submit your emotions to the clear logic and dominion of your spirit! That being said, you’ve gotta feed your spirit!

Strategy 4. Get Involved! What’s the discussion around your success? Can you influence it? Can you contribute to it? Who are the drivers of your success? What relationships do you have with them? I hear you say ‘the madness and unrealism of social media is not for me’, errr, well you can go look for a rock and live under! This age, social media is the game, to play it get insulated (with the right values), not isolated!

Doggedly follow through on your goal to becoming Good (Better and BEST) and trust me, you will be found!

Declaring a Prosperous and Successful 2018 to you! Happy New Year!

Be Good, Be Golden!

D2AGE

Plaintain-ish

I was passing through the market today and decided to get some groceries. A nice, fresh healthy meal, to nourish the body and soul. For those who know me, cooking is therapeutic, and eating good food is….well simply great! I love good food! (Comment below, what’s your favourite meal to eat/cook)

So I’m examining some plantains, and another seller close by pitches in with her opinion, urging me to take another bunch other than what I had selected. The bunch she encouraged me to take were not good compared to the one I was considering. Scrawny, black, immature fingers of plantain! It was however one finger more than my choice. ‘Ah madam, you no get good eye, this plantain fine!’ perhaps it was the sun, because normally I just smile and say thank you at stuff like that. This time however, I managed to hold on to my temper, and just turned my back in a deliberate bluff. Why would you try to persuade me to accept substandard products? If you were the one buying would you select those? Or perhaps she actually thought she was doing me a favour as her selection was (a bit) more.

Back home, preparing my plantain dish, and pondering it over, I draw similarities. It’s another year end. You’re still alone. And ‘friends, well-wishers, family’ would try to ‘offer’ you advice to settle down. ‘What happened to brother so and so? How about that one that used to come around? That fine boy in your office complex nko? His bow leg isn’t too noticeable, or you can teach him to improve his oral hygiene, or (my personal favorite) he needs a woman like you to push him and build him up, to be a real man!’ Biko, Aunty, Park Well! Jesus is the chief builder. Singleness is just another part of life, same as being married is.

So this piece is to us single ladies, 10 more days, yes something can still happen, but regardless, eagerly anticipate 2018 (if Jesus tarries), for YOU. Make those goals, SMASH those goals! Go to that wedding, and have yourself a merry good time! Enjoy the season for You! If you feel like a moonlit stroll, please do so, don’t bemoan the fact that you stroll alone. If you want to go for that party, please do, ignore the comments, dazzle a smile at the looks, a man on your arm isn’t an accessory to be depressed about. Don’t settle, when you know better.

If you want an awesome dish (marriage) pick the right ingredients!

Love you, do YOU, BE GOLDEN!

D2AGE

"IT’S A DOG, NOT A CAT, A DOG CANNOT BE A CAT!"

Hi people, it’s the holidays! Hopefully it will not be spent gallivanting and stuffing my cheeks, but for more serious introspection on how I’d like to shape 2018. LOL!!! Who am I kidding?!

Anyways, let me gist you guys. Walahi these children are inspired by the Holy Spirit, either that or He just has a wacky sense of humor using our kids who should be learning from us to teach us! I vote the latter! What do YOU think?

So I was having a conversation with my precocious 8 year old over dinner, and he was (yet again, doesn’t he ever give up?!) campaigning for a dog. “Mom just a little one, a Chihuahua, that’s a house dog, and it won’t create a big mess because it’s little!”  I think to myself, you don’t know it’s the little creatures that create the most mess! Instead I respond, “Who is going to train it to know exactly where it’s going to poo and all that? I don’t want my house all stinky!”. “Okay Mom, I will train it, will you provide its own toilet?” “Well not like a real toilet, more like a box with some sand in it, that you can take out and clean out” I respond. Bobo doesn’t even let me finish … “Mom, it’s a Dog not a Cat, You’re describing a litter box, that’s what that is, a dog doesn’t use litter boxes, a dog cannot be a Cat!” My usual fluent self is silent, with no comeback, save to think O K A Y! That’s certainly telling me!

Immediately, my own classroom begins, and good friend that I am, I’m willing to share (Big Grin).

So many times we forget who we are and try to become cats. Maybe because of the economy, we try to bend and adapt our way through to become something we are not. Perhaps it’s our friends, and family, who pressure us with expectations, trying to make us cattish, not so much the dog’s that we truly are. Defining what should or shouldn’t be. Is it society, that relationship, our own insecurities? Whatever the factor, we’ve been made to conform, silence our true identities and blend into the expectations, faithfully ignoring the back pain that has arisen from carrying all that baggage of pressure, expectations, conformities, etc!

Don’t get me wrong, cats are beautiful creatures, with very defining qualities. So what’s wrong you ask? IT’S NOT WHO YOU ARE! Who are you? Yes, YOU?! There’s a place in this world for each and every one of us, with all our quirks and imperfections! You are not defined by your job, position in society, bank account, acts of heroism, family, or status. YOU ARE WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE! Bask in the certainty that You Are! Are Created, Known and Loved by the Almighty GOD! “…and if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart!” (1^st John 3:20)

I return back from my very liberating reprieve, and listen avidly to his chatter! Smiling so beatifically that he stops to compliment, ask, and without waiting for my answer continues on with his chatter.

Discover, Revel, Remain True to the Golden You…

D2AGE

ANSWERING THE ‘WH’ QUESTIONS OF LIFE

WHY, WHAT, WHOM, HOW? Do you remember your English class? Grappling with the application and context of these words?

As adults we ask ourselves the WH questions especially when we need to make major decisions. What contributes to the answers that form the decisions, is a whole different kettle of fish. A recent ‘sacrilegious’ (for some atleast) conversation with a colleague prompted these thoughts again.

‘I’d rather have a man, than be alone.’

These words sparked such a hurt in my heart that I battled with this post. It’s a sensitive issue but I’ll bite at it anyway and hope not to choke.

WHY do women tolerate BS? You hear all the funny stories, of a man did this, or that, and how he’s got such a ‘good’ wife; because she stood by him and put up with his indiscretions, and poor decisions, and she’s a ‘good’ wife?!

I’m not saying women we don’t have our own madness, so am putting this out for both male and female to answer. WHY OH WHY do we tolerate things that makes us unhappy? Makes us feel less than who we are, ought to be? Please don’t get me wrong, I recognize the place of forgiveness, and tolerance, but…

‘You’re getting on in age, you need to find a man and settle down.’

WHO pray tell, decides WHAT getting on in age means? I’ve heard and know that age is nothing but a number. WHAT then is this number that decides WHEN things should be done? This number that wasn’t in God’s Creation Handbook? Please give me directions to WHERE I can find this man?WHAT gives WHEN a woman is found of a man? Does she suddenly become whole? Better than the essence of WHAT she carried all along? Does this Man give expression to the gifting’s and achievements attained and yet to be? Big Laugh of the century, WHAT says, that any one ‘settles’ down WHEN they get married? Does lightning strike at the altar? Society shows me differently. Men and women alike are getting their groove on, in and outside the confines of marriage!

‘You’re so pretty, How are you Single?’

Big Laugh! If I had a nickel for every time! HOW can you expect sustained companionship to be based on something so transient as looks?!

This Golden life that I’ve been called to live, will be lived, not based on what society in all its confused cultural, and limited wisdom dictates but based on WHAT, AND HOW the originator of the life decides!

Wanna get in on this? Share your WH questions, that gives you pause, 2^nd and 3^rd re-thinks!

Golden Girl, Golden God!

D2AGE

OUR FUTURE AMBITION

I’ve been away a long while I know, please forgive me. The hectic nature of life caught up with me, and my love for writing had to take a back bench.

Soooo, like any normal parent, I am invested in knowing what contribution this my Harbinger of Good news will bring to society. Will he be the first Nigerian astronaut? Will he bring the solution to world hunger and peace? Would he be a mega business man, or a routine nine to five Exec? You see this future ambition is ‘OUR’ own. Yes O! Let’s not kid ourselves, following the mantra of let the child be, and follow his own path. As long as my heart and money is inside, it is ‘OUR’ own, and I have a say!

I’ve read several parenting books telling you to support the self-discovery of your child’s latent talent by exposing them to opportunities. Since it seems to make sense, I’ve gone along with it. Every summer it’s a different activity. Catering School, ICT Camp, Sewing and Crafts, Farming, Art, Music, name it! All in the bid to discover ‘our’ self and ‘our’ future ambition. These exposures haven’t been cheap in terms of resources and time. Add that to my natural competitive nature, and you can imagine my frustration when none really seems to take! My Angel, what do you want to be na?!

The maxim of let them be, and follow their own path started to seem interesting to me, so I decided this summer, I was just going to chill, and not stress ‘our’ selves. We’d just do the normal academic offering. If anything he’d be still sharp when school resumes. Which well, let’s face it, a straight A academic kid is quite cool!

So background laid, follow me to the crux of the matter. My nephew, who is spending some time with us, recently had his birthday come around. After dinner, the kids decide to entertain. My bobo O! My angel, and muse of this blog decides to come and rap! See him Rapping and Packing and Dabbing?! To be honest, it wasn’t not such a bad rap that he’s made up, but ehn?! My Son? Rapping?! This ‘Our’ Future Ambition did not include Rap O! I considered sports, music…erm… henh…

Can we as parents ever truly let go of the rope and let these children really be their selves? I am aware of all the great artistes who are fabulously wealthy and have large fan bases, but errr, is that what I as a person would consider value addition to society? Don’t judge me too quickly. It’s just my own two cents, on a very personal investment. Which actually speaks of a larger failing. The same I can’t let go, and let him be happy, being himself; is the very same way I can’t let go and let God’s Plan prevail. The need to ‘help’ God along to discover His good and perfect will, leads most of us (myself obviously included) into unplanned dangers, and valleys of death.

Self-realization hits, and decision time comes. I’ll let go, let him be, as long as he is happy as he defines it, even as I learn that ‘My’ golden life manifests by trusting God

Be Golden, Trust the Ultimate Creator

D2AGE.

MI CORAZON

We lie in bed, catching up on random thoughts after bedtime story, waiting for sleep to take us over, this is a nightly ritual I look forward to. It gives me a sense of the way this young man’s mind is developing, what concerns him, and it’s just generally relaxing jare. So the young man goes, “I had Afang soup at my friend’s house last week, and… it was nice.” Casting me a mischievous sideward glance. Am struggling to catch up with what the sideward glance means. This is someone who would fuss over swallow, and only agree to eat if it is fufu. Not garri, pounded yam, semo, amala, or anything else. Just as am about to ask, if he ate it with garri, he goes “Are you jealous right now?” like what the *&#$! So he knows eh? That I get huffy (not jealous jor!) when he enjoys some other person’s food?! Hah! This boy has me all figured out, I declare! (Side note, if my son comes to your house, please crackers and water is fine!)

It turns into a tickling fit, as I try to “punish” him for that remark. “Stop mom, stop! I like yours too! Yours is nice, and hers is nice, just saying!” with that statement, he gets off the hook. Then he gives me a hug and says, “Mom I really like you.” That alone gets me misty eyed, thinking awww, what a sweet child, but no. He goes and really makes me drip from my eyes.

“I really like you, not love. Of course, I love you, you’re my mum, buy me what I need, take care of me, teach me, and worry about me; but I really like you cos you’re my friend. I can play with you and tell you anything!” Hah! My fingers still tingle typing it, and my chest gets tight remembering. This child is growing up smart! How important is it to be friends with your kids? Nothing is more so! Being not just their provider and caretaker, but also their friend. Someone they can confide in, who gets them, and doesn’t judge.

I was still trying to get my breath from the overwhelming emotion when it enters my heart. “That’s just the way I need you to be with Me. I don’t need you to come only when you need. Am happy to provide, but I also yearn to be your friend, buddy, Your number one option for fellowship”.

It is such a time of renewal when we fellowship with God, not just the moments when we worry or complain. But the moments when we share a laugh, and glory in the wonder of discovery of one of His creations. Just as am constantly amazed by this warm breathing cuteness curled up beside me. Ah Abba! Mi Corazon! Never let me forget, to be friends with

him, and with You.

Golden moments of Friendship, Golden Life

D2AGE

ECSTATIC!

Ecstatic!!! That word just begins to describe how I feel. 8 years?! Oh my gosh?! When and where did time fly to? Who is this handsome, self-possessed young boy smiling so confidently beside me?

Remaining ever fresh in my mind, the maddening pain I had to endure to push you out. They say you forget, who sai?! I remember o! In the end, I gave up, my strength was not enough. I had to be assisted to pull you out. Kai! I should have known from then, that I had just birthed greatness.

Every year unfolding has seen us growing together, learning together, discovering together! Pages will not be enough to retell memories, share stories… That’s sorta why I started this blog in any case. Lol! So I’ll spare the retelling, for some other time. Today, I just wanna speak over you, my son. I write and store in the time vaults of the internet, you’re blessed, healthy, favored, at peace, protected, and honored. You are satisfied with long life. You impact your generation for good, ALL to the Glory of God, who is ever-present as your friend, guide, teacher, love, and Father.

I know most (not every because what I read in the news sometimes makes my womb clench at the thought that such mothers exist) mothers share these same feelings of awesome wonder, watching the growing process of their kids. Committed to fighting for them like lionesses. Determined to break open their shell for their light to shine through. Sit up watching and praying, hoping that, the lessons will take. It’s no mean feat. For God to have entrusted us with this responsibility, He must have had great faith in our abilities, our capabilities.

Today I celebrate my son. I Celebrate me. I also celebrate all the great mom’s out there. Married and unmarried. In the blessing that you are to these kids, YOU are endowed, Lifted and Blessed forever! Amen.

Sango or Yahweh. Part Two - The Realisation

As parents, you pass on tradition, pass on your beliefs, and form cultures. You were brought up going to church, so you take your child to church. You believe in an altruistic creator. So you tell and convince your child(ren) to believe as you do. You think it would be great to inculcate certain habits in them, so you embark on repetitive behaviors that form cultures, which would mold this individual into the ideal society participant. In the whole interplay of your molding and forming, you forget the one crucial thing that can undo or cement all you’re forming. The experiences the children go through. Their understanding, and reaction to these experiences. Why else would you have PK’s becoming nude pop singers? Going so far left from the apparent cultures and beliefs that they were brought up with?

This realization plagued me. Even as I awaited God’s defense of Himself, curious about how it will come, wondering if perhaps He meant for me to help Him. I sought out answers from family and friends, but none had an answer that satisfied me, that I felt confident will answer my inquisitive 7 going on 70-year-old angel.

Several days go by and am watching and wondering. Then it happened. It was Little Man’s turn to lead evening devotion. We finished reading and explaining the totally unrelated passage, and it’s time for him to pray. He says the usual gratitude and requests and then with a heavy pause that makes me peep at him, he goes - “Am sorry God for being angry with you, I won’t be angry anymore, and I still Love you”.

God doesn’t need our help, doesn’t need to defend Himself, because He just IS. Confronted by the awesomeness of His Love and Grace, you can’t help but fall in Love. He showed me, that you don’t need the theological exposure, education or experience. He can still be EXPERIENCED by even a baby who can’t speak or explain. HE IS.

The parenting thing is a bit harder for the single parent. Wondering if we are doing the right thing or if our words are resonating and forming ethical characters. Sometimes the self-doubt just seeks to bury you. You don’t always get an answer to your questions and prayers, or at least not in the way you want; but for me, this reminder was all I needed. HE IS, and HE CARES. My trust therefore, is not in the arm of flesh, not even my own, strong and hardworking as I may be. My only boast is in the sufficiency of HIM WHO MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME!

Hence for me and my house hold, IT’S YAHWEH ALL THE WAY!

Golden Child of a Golden GOD.

D2AGE

SANGO OR YAHWEH?

My Angel is at it again. Melting my heart just the way only he knows how. Very recently, his school held their annual inter-house sports, and little man was so excited to be representing his house in several activities. Now some parents, do the whole “It’s just for fun, so let’s go laugh and have a good time”. For me, there should be excellence even in fun, and I do admit, I go overboard in the whole competitive spirit sometimes. We had been practicing racing in sacks, filling baskets and short dashes all week in the bid to score all gold medals.

Friday morning dawns bright and fair, and anticipation is at the peak, for all the medals we were going to collect. First event, performance was first from the last. Second event, not much different from the first, third event, Oh Gosh, somebody help me now, my sweet baby broke down in tears. To be fair, his competition were older and he did give it his very best.

Of course, at this point, I had to switch gears, and encourage him to “just have fun”. The good-natured ribbing from the parents around smarted, and we decided we’d cool it off with cone ice-creams! Nothing in life is that serious jare! The parents’ activity comes up, and I sign up for some good old fun. Other mom’s like myself struggle through the task of tying a tie, and I manage to come second! Ah! See beefing! I almost wanted to reject the gift, so Angel doesn’t feel bad.

“This is totally unacceptable! I did four events and got nothing! You did just one and got a gift! I can’t believe it! I didn’t even win one!” Am laughing, because it is just ridiculous! Thinking he is also having fun with the whole situation. Next thing I hear “Mom, am changing my religion” HuH?! “To what?” I ask, half in jest, half serious, trying to keep up with his mind. “Am changing to traditional, cos I prayed to God, and asked for help in my races, and He didn’t Help me!”

How do you explain to a child, whom you have taught, that sometimes, you don’t get an answer from the all-powerful, all Loving God, whom he must respect, and worship. I was at a loss. This wasn’t a moment for jokes anymore, and for the life of me, I couldn’t come up with a befitting answer. 
It’s a fragile thing - a child’s trust. Innocently given, innocently expectant. How does it blossom, under the harsh realities of life’s disappointments? How many other silent prayers offered and unanswered does he harbor a disappointment for? How do I convince him again, that there is a God, who is concerned about the little things that concern him? What can I do but hand over the matter to God, to well, stand up for Himself!

Did He stand up for Himself? Is Angel going to be a Sango Worshipper? Read the 2^nd part to find out!

Life Can Be Simply Golden

D2AGE

Like Fine Wine...

LIKE FINE WINE...IT GETS BETTER WITH AGE

WHY IT’S BETTER TO DATE A MATURE LADY

By definition, a mature lady is someone who by society definition is past the first bloom of youth, when you hit the big 3 decades, and you stop saying your age at your birthday drinkies. It also includes single mom’s, who though hot, fresh, sweet, nice…bear the extra scars from the journey to and fro the labor room.

These women are passed over, for the “sweet, fresh under 25’s” which have the fresh flush of youth, excitement, and adventurousness of the young and hot blooded. The common belief is that this ‘omalicha’s’ hold an advantage to the older set, because they are mostly assumed to be unsullied, perky, and idol worship the boo. Elevating him to god status.

I get it, who doesn’t like to be worshiped, and gazed upon with huge doe-like eyes, hanging onto every word, like you are the best thing right before grandma’s jollof rice. But hold on, even gods get exhausted with all the hero worship because after all the worship comes the requests!

The mature lady is better, and here are my arguments:

1)      Maturity lends her understanding. She is more understanding of your quirks and flaws, and more forgiven too. She’s been around the block a few times to know that the ‘god’ has clay feet.

2)      Singleness for the extended period has grown her appreciation. She knows what it takes to come home, arrange fuel for the gen, change the light bulbs, repair the plumbing, put water in the car, check oil, and all those little things that she has to do, grudgingly while protecting her manicure. So the ‘god’ is willing to do all those little nothings? Darn straight she’s grateful. It’s a big deal for her, compared to the little chit’s who wonder what the heck is taking so long?!

3)      She’s independent. And that’s a good thing. You can work, without worrying about her moping because she doesn’t have your attention. You can go 3-4 hours, without checking in cos you know she’s got her game and can handle business. Isn’t going to call you and say, “Honey, power is back on and there’s a whirring sound coming from the laundry room, can you come check it out?”

4)      Family blues? With a mature lady, you’ve got it sweet. They are happy and grateful that their sister/daughter finally got involved, so they make extra effort to make you happy, and not ‘stress’ the relationship with demands. They work extra hard to ensure you are accommodated and content.

5)      A mature single lady doesn’t need to work hard. She works smart. And am not talking computers or admin here. Am talking behind closed doors, car back seats, and deserted locker rooms. She knows just what to do, how to do, to get you…

6)      If she’s got a child, good for you. You get insurance that the tools work (it’s a great big deal, check Bar Beach if you disbelieve me). Then you get to practice Daddy, on some other person’s child, so you become perfect for your own. Readymade family, that you slide neatly into.

7)      The single mature lady has found Spirituality. She’s spent some time in spiritual exercises and is more discerning. She’s gonna war room all over you! Your trips are covered, business deals sealed, your life surrendered to God Almighty.

Just one caveat, the single mature lady hasn’t got time to waste. If you don’t wanna be serious, keep stepping. This one interprets/completes “Let's take a walk” for “down the Aisle”

After all said and done, the main thing anyone should check when choosing a partner is: "What are her/his values?" This person is going to be a role model for your kids. What do they believe, what intentions fuel their actions? You can't gloss over this. If you don't know what values to hold dear, then please hold on and discover the man in the mirror.

Golden Life...

D2AGE