CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD!

So this week has been about the woman. Her essence, her strengths, her weaknesses, and opportunities. We celebrate, because there’s usually so much to cry about…

I was feeling especially weepy this day; having indulged in a brief fling (that I hoped…*dramatic eyeroll*) that had just abruptly ended. Strong woman that I am (have to be), I got up that morning, took my time, with my brushes and paint pots, and hoped the bright smile I also painted on, wasn’t as brittle as I felt.

I stepped into the office, and my girls… God bless them girls. Compliments and hugs accompanied their morning greeting. “Gosh Girl! You look awesome!” and they crowded in for a chat. With some sixth sense they seemed to know just what my heart needed. Some girly giggle about cute nonsense, some reaffirmation of my beautiful essence, and loads and loads of love.

I constantly hear, about how women, tear each other down and apart, but I also know that no woman can go very far without girlfriends. Women, we understand ourselves, our challenges and idiosyncrasies. We understand that sometimes a rant, just means we need to let a little steam off, get some attention and feel loved. We understand that a tantrum is simply a girly test to see if we’ve got relevance. And we know the deep screams of pain, and hurt that our silence hides.

So today I celebrate my Golden Girls. My Sisters, and Girlfriends. Strong, Beautiful Women who have got me through trying times, cried with me, put up with me, drank with me, and Conquered with me. “…a woman shall encompass a man – Jeremiah 31:22”

To my Golden Girls – We rule our world.

D2AGE.

THE NEW FAMILY

My, people forgive me. I’ve been AWOL so long, I started questioning if I really even had a blog, or it was a figment of my imagination?! So please permit me to say belatedly, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! So many other blogs committed to the New Year resolutions, being a better you and all that, so what say you, we just skip all that and get right into the gist? The way I reckon it, you’re going to do what you’re going to do anyways. One more motivational speech from me just might not do anything else! LOL!

So … last evening, am enjoying dinner, and its conversation with my 6 going on 7 all the way to 70 year old son. Honestly sometimes I wish I could go Dr. Hyde on him, and literally investigate his grey matter. The boy is a hoot! This evening, he is telling me about school, and then suddenly bursts out. He’s never getting married. He’s just going to save the world and then be by himself (My son is determined to be a Hero). I ask him, “Won’t you be lonely?” He goes “You’re not”. “That’s because I’ve got you to chat with, and chill with.” I respond. The conversation continues with me doing that thing that mothers do best. You know, the one where we speak intelligently, while our minds are actively working over some other thought process.

The social strata of the family unit has greatly changed; either by choice, chance or unforeseen circumstances. Increasingly, there are more kids like mine, who come from homes like ours. Does society and especially its educational system, adapt to reflect this change? For example in social studies, at school, how is he taught to relate his reality to the definition of a family?

I remember my baby sister as a child bringing home an exam script, with a near perfect score. The question had asked “Who takes care of the home?”  Her response of “Sister” which was quite correct in her case, cost her the perfect score. Having lost our mom, while she was still a baby, she had only grown up to know her sisters as the home and care givers.

I slowly chew my dinner, listen to my son’s chatter, as I process the thought – “Are schools and their curriculums going to train our children by rote, or are they going to train them FOR LIFE?” Are schools going to make liars of parents, who portray a different reality than the laid down rules of life etiquette? Are children going to grow up defensive to a world who makes them believe their understanding about what life is, is wrong?

Well I can’t speak for society or the school system. I can only do my best to support my son be the Hero he will be, inspite of any differences.

One more day, in the life of a strong, black mother!

 Be a Hero in your Sphere, Be Golden.

D2AGE.

Can Trust be Rebuilt?

When you tell you son that power is going to be restored in time for him to watch his favourite show, and then it isn't. Some small part of that child like faith in "Mummy said" is shattered.

When you promise to get a gift, a beloved snack on your way back from work, and then you can't. The eyes opened wide in anticipation, as he asks, "Mummy where is it?" And before the "Am sorry baby" is completed, the crestfallen look lets you know  another piece has  fallen  off and gone crashing down. 

It's easy for an overworked parent, living in Nigeria, for these "Little" incidences can become the norm, till they no longer are expectant when you promise. Such that when you do deliver, its a surprise! That's wrong. I remember how it felt as a child. I no how it feels as an adult. Disappointments still cut deep. Slowly and surely, the mindset is formed. "She doesn't really mean it" "I'd rather not hope, than get hurt" "I've trusted and trusted you, till am trussed out!"

Once this point is reached, can you ever gain that childlike wonder again? It's not about growing up. It's more the fact that statements are carelessly made. Genuine effort to make your "word your bond" isn't put in. Once this behavioural pattern is established, can one merely turn back and change? The hurts, disappointments, and pain? It all goes away in a puff, or like the tide receding from the sandy shore, does it ebb, till you forget? Or do you live in wary watchfulness waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In today's world, experiencing the simple joys of life can be difficult. Why add fear, worry, scepticism?

Am still talking about my child here... or am I?

Hmn...

Keeping it golden, Keeping it real.

D2AGE

MUCH ADO ABOUT CORNFLAKES!!!

It’s been a pretty long time, I penned down my thoughts. Not because I haven’t been having them, or weird occurrences that make you wanna laugh, cry and sometimes both; but because…well…life has been happening!

So this morning, the usual activity preparing for school, had me almost pulling my hair out. It just was one of those days, when this small child decided to show me a new lesson in patience. We struggle through it till we get to breakfast. As much as he is determined to teach me patience, am determined to model forbearance to him. How? I hear you ask? Simple! By serving him a breakfast I know he isn’t crazy about! He is going to get his comeuppance unless I am not his mother!!!

I send him to the dining, chuckling inwardly in anticipation of the moan am sure to hear, and gearing up for the argument am going to engage in, which I have full intention of winning! See, this companion I have for the first 18 years of his life is very engaging. I’ve adapted my mother’s parenting rule book so many times, and there are still no answers for some of the arguments this new generation child brings up!

I wait, and wait, and wait. The sound of breakfast being eaten WITHOUT A FUSS is what greets my expectant ears! Unbelieving, I go to see with my eyes, the evidence my ears are trying to convince me of. It is true. He is having breakfast! Small victory for me. Am wondering, has he finally learned that fussing will get him nowhere? OR could it be that he woke up hungry for cornflakes, OR WHAT?!

The mystery of this victory conceded without a fight makes me curious. “Gabriel, how’s your breakfast?” I ask, probing gently, for I am somewhat grateful that there isn’t a fuss, curious as I may be. “It’s okay Mom, It’s just that I don’t like the taste of the cereal. Cornflakes is energy giving food, so I’ll eat but Mom, when I eat stuff I don’t like, it affects my happiness, and I won’t be able to focus the whole day in school. You should give me what I’d be happy eating, not what you think I should eat.” EH?! Odiegwu?! Is this my child or my father?! But hold on! He has a point. As do I with this story.

At what point do we let our children be part of the decision making process that affects their lives. It could be cornflakes, what to wear, school to go or whatever. Of course am not saying let them take over and just do what they like, but inviting and listening to their contributions, acquiescing to their suggestions when it has merit. The African traditional factor, where we decide for them obviously is outdated in today’s iPad child. Here I was preparing for the teenage years, little did I realise that the “Bo’teen” years where upon me, promoted by internet, and TV and globalisation and Vitamins!!!

Moral of the story, when next I’m going food shopping, he’s coming with me to choose his brand. No point making him unhappy, and unable to focus in school, yet expecting excellent grades. Now that’s fool hardy, innit?!

Golden Moments, Golden Children

D2AGE

HAPPY MATHER’S DAY!!!

The world recently celebrated Father’s and a dear colleague wished me Happy Father’s day and inspired this post. So Funmike this one’s for you!

I love my Dad. I also celebrate all the real men out there, who are positive role models. For in my estimation, that’s what Fatherhood is about. Unfortunately our society reflects the fact that most men have given up the responsibility of shaping positively the young lives who are eager to emulate ‘their heroes’.

Please if you had a biological event, contributed to the generation of another human being, acquired the title ‘Father’, but ditched the responsibility that comes with it? Please continue sipping from your beer glass, as you walk on by, ‘cos Father’s day doesn’t refer to you.

Today though, am celebrating the STRONG WOMEN who pull off the double shift of ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’. Not just referring to single moms here, but the whole broad spectrum. Single Unmarried Mom, Widowed, Married but absent/unable/unwilling father Mom, Benefactor etc. Dear world I introduce to you, the woman who is a MATHER.

PROVIDER: A beautiful woman is more attractive when she signs the cheques. Or so the lyricists say. This woman works her fingers to the bone, to ensure that her young’uns have their needs met, even when some of hers get sacrificed.

PLANNER: Mather’s usually have lists for their lists! They are master strategists that would compete favourably with Napoleon. Fully aware that without a plan, the family are left vulnerable to the storms of life. Buffeted and tossed by the whims of its wind.

PROTECTOR: The Mather is fiercer that the She-Bear. Aware of the fact that she wears the pants as well as the skirts, she’d go all out to give her cubs the sense of security that they need to develop well. She protects them from even themselves by setting boundaries and establishing discipline which inculcates right values.

The world over, many people will give praise to a “Mather” who made them what they are today. Why do Mather’s exist, and why are they increasing in numbers by the day? We could blame it on economic downslide, blame it on environmental/social insecurity, moral decadence or whatever; truth is these women didn’t have to pick up the slack. They could’ve gone right ahead to pass the baton. They chose to be responsible, to chin up and forge a legacy, to be right, NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD THE ANSWERS, BUT BECAUSE THESE LIVES MEANT MORE THAN THEIR LIFE.

So cheers to all the Mather’s round the globe. I celebrate you. Your kids appreciate your sacrifice, and the world is grateful to you for your dedication. 

HAPPY MATHERS DAY!!!

Keep being Golden…

D2AGE.

TATAFO?!

Its either am getting older than I reckoned, or My tatafo hormones just got activated. But am having difficulty minding my business these days.
"What's got me on a roll now?" I hear you ask. Don't worry I'll tell you! Its this baby mama fad oh! It starting to vex me now, I must confess. It's like a desk army officer being decorated to an audience of Battle Field officers.
So recently on SM (Social Media), I saw how some lady was being congratulated at her baby shower after she successfully passed through the labour room. Thing is she's from a POPULAR FAMILY AND GAVE BIRTH FOR A POPULAR PERSONALITY. She was being congratulate by OLDER, EMINENT people of society!
Where's the whole s*#t for church mentality? Or is it becomes the 'culprits' are wealthy? Cos it obviously is a case of different standards.

Leads me to the crux of this post. Guys you've got to tell me. Do I teach my child to make enough money so that he can make his own rules? Or do I teach him to develop values which he can be at peace with even in penury? Today's reality beats my reckoning!

Glitter and Glitz...is that the Golden Life?
D2AGE

THIS TERRIBLE BEAUTIFUL THING CALLED HOPE

I just watched this movie – “The Great Gatsby” where the main character was hailed as the most “Hopeful” person the narrator had met. I guess that was high praise. With all the things that can go wrong while existing on planet earth, it’s so easy to get despondent. To despair and fall into a major depression, due to the constant dread of impending doom. (Hmn… why are there so many dreary words that begin with the letter D?! Join the fun, share some of your own words in the comment section). Hope becomes very important to succeed.

Being a Nigerian and living in Nigeria requires that you have high doses of this thing called Hope. You cook and fill the fridge with food to last a month with the ‘Hope’ that Power supply will cooperate to ensure that the food doesn’t go bad. You wake up in the morning and turn the taps with the ‘Hope’ that water board hasn’t gone on the blink again. You get stopped by a traffic warden, and you ‘Hope’ he would be satisfied with a smile and would just let you go after his check of your papers, fire extinguisher and waste basket has ALL CHECKED OUT!

Hope in love, though, is a whole different ball game all together. Gatsby is a great example for hope in love. He fell in love with a moneyed golden girl, who desperately loved him too, but didn’t love his penniless state at all. So she ‘falls in love’ with old money embodied in a brute. Gatsby doesn’t give up hope. He made the money, came back to recapture her heart and win her hand. Relentlessly hoping that he’d succeed. Won’t spoil it for those who decide to watch it. I’ll just say it’s worth watching.

Hope for women is brutal. We rest so much on it, and get so disappointed. We all know the examples. We Hope that he’s changed, and that its just innocent flirtation. We Hope that he meant it when he said he’d never lose his temper that way again. We Hope that he’d be more responsible, be more around, be more involved. We Hope that he’s the One. We Hope.

Then one day, when time has irrevocably passed, we realise that the beautiful pieces of glass shattered at our feet, which we’ve been prancing on, ignoring (or doing our best to ignore) the stinging pain from our feet, is actually our hopes, with the following lost opportunities we sacrificed. 

This terrible beautiful thing called hope…

Living life like its golden.

D2AGE