IT IS WELL...

One of the major fears (myself included) for a single parent, be it by choice or chance, is the probability of psychological trauma your child might face, or get scarred by. Taunts at school, by friends, careless talk by careless adults. The lack of the perceived idea of a 'normal' home, you know, the classic Father, Mother, Child(ren) rosy picture of a family. One wonders, especially when you observe development in social behaviour of humans all over the world over time, if they'd turn out alright. For example, I have a son, will watching me make up, and helping me choose my outfits affect his sexuality? Does the girl who grows without a father, become an attention junkie? Will they become clingy, or distant? Dissatisfied with their lot in life?

Psychology is not an area that is much examined in most Black African countries. Actions were 'treated', root cause mostly ignored. If you are naughty, you get spanked, and if you were good you got...well from a pat on the head to a trip to the park. Most parents never stopped to consider 'why'. They asked, "What were you thinking?" Without really expecting any answer. The question was more to underscore just how stupid you had just been. In recent times however, most youths are finding it easier to express themselves, explore their thoughts and feelings. A colleague very recently, commended my blog, and said, why don't you put more of your feelings down? I literally shuddered! My, feelings? on display? Nah! That's being weak! Almost immediately I laughed at myself, remembering my reaction to a recent article by Chiamanda Adichie's article on her challenge with depression. She had described a visit to the doctor, who tried to convince her that depression was a disease like any other that needed proper care and attention, and her scorning the advice. I had encouraged her in my mind to go get help! "Com'on Chi!" I thought to myself, "You know better, after having lived abroad and all that!" Yet, here I was shuddering at the thought of airing my feelings. Did this attitude develop with age, and if so, when?

Being extra sensitive to a child's fragile psyche is important, especially if there's a blip in the perfect rosy picture of the 'family' that is your reality. As a single parent, You shouldn't attempt to replicate the picture, because it simply isn't the same! However, there is an upside to this scenario in which you are. Instead of being afraid to scar the child, be eager to explore other facets that can encourage them. 
1) Be their buddy! Talk with them, not at them! It strengthens the bond which transcends childhood. 
2) Get them involved! Let them see how hard it is sometimes. It increases their sense of responsibility.
3) Love. Not by stifling them, but by letting them bloom, under careful nurturing. 
4) Stand. After you have done all, Just Stand. Let them know they can depend on you. 
In the common Nigerian parlance - It is Well...

Be the Life, Be Golden.
D2AGE.


Photo Credit: monitor.co.ug